Your baby: sleep and developmental milestones

For new parents, there are few more exciting joys than watching your baby roll over and back again, sit up, stand up and then start crawling for the very first time!

 Unfortunately, these exciting milestones often have complications relating to sleep that mean there can be a few 'bumps in the road' when it comes to a settled night's sleep.  

It can come as a bit of a shock when your 'perfect little sleeper' suddenly starts bashing around in the cot all night, banging his head or sticking her leg through the cot bars.  Worrying stuff!



It is important to try and keep some perspective on things when it seems as though your little one is heading backwards for no apparent reason.  Developmental milestones play a huge part in your baby's behaviour, moods, movement and sleeping patterns.  Things will settle down and keep in mind, that shuffling, rolling, banging and thumping about at night is all part of your baby acting out their new skills while they sleep.  Try not to worry and most importantly, try not to intervene too much as there is a risk that you could unintentionally create a sleep problem in doing so.

It can help to run through a quick 'check list' of possible causes before becoming too concerned about your baby's change in sleep behaviour.

Consider whether: Your baby has learnt any new skills over the last few days such as rolling, sitting, pulling up etc..?  Babies have an inbuilt desire to repeat their newly found skill over and over again until they have mastered it and this means it happens not only when they're actively doing so during the day, but also at night when they're sleeping and processing the day's events.

Teething: The most common cause of night disruptions in the under two's.  Comfort your baby and give some relief in the form of analgesia, gum gels or granules if you have sought medical advice on the best form of treatment and do your best to keep the night routine the same as far as possible.  When teething is no longer an issue, revert to your previous routine and be firm in your commitment to get things back on track.

Is your baby well? Colds and bugs get the better of all of us at some point, keep an eye on your little one and make sure that they are otherwise well before being too focused on the sleeping element of their care, you can always bring things back on track if you need to intervene with comfort and cuddles when your baby isn't well.

If your baby does act out at night when previously, they slept calmly through until morning, leave it for a week or two and see whether he or she settles before making any intervention if you feel it is really necessary.  You can of course, speak to your GP or HV if you're feeling concerned about the change, make sure that your baby is well and his or her needs are met to rule out any other cause for the disturbances.  Teething is often another issue that comes into play but the symptoms are more often related to poor settling, late night waking and crying with possible fevers.  

A few tips to keep in mind:

Intervene only if necessary - some babies can pull themselves up to standing but don't know how to sit down again, equally, a baby who rolls onto one side may not yet have the skills to roll back the other way!  Help them without making any other contact and then leave the room.  You are only there to address a problem that needs help rather than to comfort or provide a 'reward' for the behaviour of waking.  No chatting, eye contact or cuddles at this time, there is plenty of opportunity for that during the day or before bedtime.  This can be the difference between a temporary phase and a more permanent problem.

Work it out! If your baby has difficulty sitting down after standing or rolling from one side to the other, use your time together during the day to really have a good go at teaching your baby how to do the actions on their own, this will help them to address their own issues at night rather than needing you to go in over and over again to help them.

Stand back.  Once you know that your baby is able to sit down again or roll in both directions, it's time to cease the interventions during the night as those visits can quickly turn from help to need and your baby certainly doesn't need to be awake any more often than you do during the night!  A few days of firm resolve will save you months, possibly years of grief in the long run.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post, I hope you've found it useful.  If you or anyone you know are facing a difficult parenting challenge, please do get in touch.  You are also invited to 'Like' my Facebook page for regular updates and freebies such as reward charts, how-to tip sheets and more.

Happy parenting!




 

5 tips for managing your angry child

I don't think any parent likes to see their child angry, it's upsetting and often you reach a point where you just don't know how to deal with the anger.

Don't send your child away to 'calm down' as this only goes to reinforce the feelings of anger which can lower their self-esteem.  It's scary for a child to manage such extreme emotions on their own with little understanding of why they are feeling that way.

Start by teaching your child that it is OK to be angry, explain what the feeling is about and possible reasons for their anger.  By taking this approach you'll be teaching your child to manage and understand their anger as they grow older and gain a better understanding of their emotional responses.

So what can you do to support your child through their anger?

1.  Keep calm.  By controlling your own fight or flight response during a highly emotional situation, you will be acting as a role model for ideal behaviour.  Your child learns from your behaviour.  Remember the old saying, do as I say, not as I do?  It rarely works, your behaviour and body language are far more powerful than your words in this type of situation.

2.  Let it be.  Remember that tantrums and emotional outbursts are a natural part of your child's development.  They are experimenting with their own personality, emotions and communication skills.  It's your response to their outbursts that can mean the difference between short-lived and ongoing issues.

3.  Safety first.  Keep your child and other children safe from any possible harm during angry episodes.  Let your child know that it is OK to be angry but lashing out, hitting, biting, pinching, scratching etc... are not acceptable forms of behaviour and you need to be firm in telling your child your feelings on violet outbursts.  Remember be firm but keep calm.  You can apply limitations to actions but not to feelings. 

4.  Don't analyse.  Your child is more than likely over-reacting by adult standards.  The angry reaction can often be as a result of a build up of emotions over time.  Your child reaches a point, perhaps when he or she is a little over-tired or no longer able to process a situation rationally.  Allow them to have their meltdown, but once it's over talk it through with your child without being critical. 

5.  Be present.  By staying nearby while your child works through their anger, you will be supporting their emotional needs rather than abandoning them to their tears.  Don't participate in their angry outbursts but let them know that you're there no matter how they are feeling.  They key is empathy not judgement or punishment.  Your child will learn in time to mirror your behaviour as there is no reward in being angry.

Happy parenting!

FREE PRINTABLE REWARD CHART

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A note on pocket money...

In this age of want's, must have's, apparent need's and can't-live-without's are we in danger of teaching our children that there is no value in waiting, being patient and working for a reward over a period of time?  

I'm just as guilty as the next parent, we've all done it - bought some outrageously expensive item for our child because it was easier than saying no or worse still, a reflection on you as a parent, suddenly being compared to the other parents who've coughed up and your child can't understand why little Johnny has it and he doesn't.

Almost as if it was yesterday, I remember my Mum setting up 'shop' in the living room when we were just old enough to understand the concept.  This seemed too good to be true, a sweet shop in our own house!  Jar's of jelly beans, pots of pink marshmallows and bowls of all sorts of sparkly wrapped chocolates and toffees.  Saturday was the day, we couldn't wait!  

It wasn't all as fabulous as I'd first thought however, my Mum pulled us both aside and gave us our 'pocket money' for the day.  We were shown the prices (she was clearly making a loss!!!) on each jar or pot and she explained to us in basic terms, that we had say 5p and each sweetie was 1p.  That meant, we could get five sweeties but once we had bought all five sweeties, we wouldn't have any money left and that meant that the shop would close until next week.  

If we chose to, we could save some of our money until the following week, and it would gain interest meaning we would have more money for more sweeties the following week.  I do wonder whether Saturdays were as much fun for her as they were for us buzzing around on a sugar-rush all morning, silent chuckle!

I wasn't convinced on the whole saving concept and promptly spent all my pennies in one go.  I munched my way through all my sweeties and probably went out into the garden and ran around like a Tasmanian devil until I'd run out of steam.  My sister on the other hand, not only saved some of her money but she also saved some of the sweets that she'd bought and proceeded to taunt me as she slowly made her way through them over the course of the week, all very smug as she did so!

The lessons were learnt however and before long, the living room sweet shop shut its doors for the last time and we were off to town on a Saturday morning. I'm sure our pocket money was increased slightly in line with the retail prices but the basic rules remained the same.  If there was an item out of our price range, we simply accepted that we either gave up on the idea or saved some of our money for next week or the week after that until we could afford the 'biggie'.  

When you feel it's time to start teaching your children about money and the value it holds not only in currency but also in lessons on saving and understanding that this culture of 'right now' isn't really going to do them any good later in life, take a look at the tips below to get your children engaged in the process:

Decide on a fair amount and stick to it:

Decide whether pocket money will be issued on a reward basis linked to a chart that represents their behaviour or, a set amount given each week without question.  There is no right or wrong here, use the process in a way that works best for your family.  Don't give in to requests for extra money, the amount is set and if you feel it is appropriate, they can earn extra if they are old enough understand the lesson in doing so.

Start with a home-based shop and a set of 'litte shopper' rules:

By teaching your children about money and the process of shopping, need, want, cost and saving, you can start to plant the seeds of savvy living.  You could teach your children about interest and how it works, even introduce a loan further down the line, but be sure that you explain to them that the following week, it needs to be paid back with interest.  This usually causes some tears but the lesson is important if you feel your child will understand the lesson in the long run.

Use technology to get your children interested in money:

There are some fantastic apps and online resources that act as virtual piggy banks, offering more than just a place to track pocket money.  Take a look at Roosterbank or gohenry, both offer some really fun and engaging ways to get your children interested managing their money effectively from a young age. 

Don't forget about gifts and special occasions:

It can be tempting to let your children blow their entire birthday booty on various toys, games and sweets but remember to show them that saving some of the money they're given as gifts or rewards is just as important as saving some of their weekly pocket money.  Think 'bonus' and your children will remember the lesson one day when they are working towards a work target and there is a nice juicy bonus waiting for them at the end, do you want them to blow it all or save some or all of it for a more worthwhile purchase in the future?  Get in early and teach them about making good financial decisions.

Show interest:

Reward your children further by giving them 'interest' on the money that they save.  You could inflate this slightly when they're younger so that they see the real benefit in doing so.  You could then discuss a bigger purchase with your child, something they are really keen on buying and help them to understand that by saving regular amounts, the interest will help them to be able to buy their dream toy or game a lot faster than if they were to blow all their money at once.

The choice is always theirs:

As parents, it is your job to 'set the boundaries' and then, although sometimes difficult to do, you need to step back and allow your children to make the choices they want to make along the way.  You can remind them each week about the choices they have, do they want to spend it all and have nothing left, would they like to save a little to buy something bigger next week and better still, would they like to use their long term saving jar to work towards buying a really special treat that would otherwise be unobtainable.  

Children are children and they will make lots of 'wrong' choices driven by 'want' but by gradually teaching them the consequences of their choices now, you will be helping to provide them with the essential tools and understanding required to manage their own money better in the years ahead.

For now, I'm just looking forward to setting up that little shop in the living room and watching my girl's eyes light up with excitement.  Mortgages, credit cards and loans can wait a little while.

Happy parenting! 

Sibling rivalry... is it all Punch & Judy or should we be more concerned?

I clearly remember the moment we arrived home from hospital with my eldest daughter, a bumpy entry into the world with a few wobbles along the way but it was so amazing to finally be at home. It was enchanting to watch her looking around, taking in whatever she could see with her little eyes.  It was calm, emotional and exciting all at the same time.

Fast forward 23 months and there we were again, daughter number two being carried over the threshold, only this time, I was more concerned about her basic survival than whether or not she favoured the colour scheme we'd chosen for the nursery!

Our eldest, a bouncy little bundle of fun was only too eager to dip her plump little paws into the car seat to investigate what Mum and Dad had been protecting with such care and adoration.  We were very conscious of wanting to ensure that we enjoyed every second of those first few precious moments at home with our newborn but we also wanted to ensure that her big sister was made to feel just as special and included in the whole event.

Time moved on and before we knew it, our lives had become a strange mix of precious moments watching our girls have a cuddle on the sofa to the heart-stopping moments when our youngest stopped a flat hand on the head.  Interesting range of emotions in that first year.

Fast forward a further twelve months and all of a sudden, the focus is on sharing, or not as it were.  Until now, our eldest had lived in a kingdom all of her own, a queen of her castle if you like.  The toys and games she'd amassed had become like her own private haul of royal treasure, dare he who tries to share in the abundance. 

Inevitably, no. 2 starts crawling, toddling and before we knew it, attaching her tentacle like fingers to everything our eldest holds dear.  This can only mean one thing, show-down time.  This applies to toys, Mummy's attention and even the ownership of the long suffering and long forgotten cat.  Anything is game at this stage.  Snatch, grab, smack, pull, dump, whack... Happy days!

Only-child syndrome isn't pretty when the title holder is demoted to a mere sibling.  By their very nature, children are territorial, jealous and in need of constant attention - survival skills raging from day dot.  As if life wasn't hard enough existing on the rare full-night's sleep that occurs when both children seem to be well at the same time, the benefits of which are quickly sucked out of you when the light of day arrives and its back to the hamster ball of life.  How on earth are you going to manage this, meeting the needs of your older child while still being as loving and nurturing to your no. 2 as you were with no. 1?

Consider the following strategies to ease the journey:

Equality applies even in the early years!  

It is important to show equal affection to both / all children.  It is easy to find yourself in a pattern of "no..no.1 don't do that...no.1 stop it.... no.1 don't hurt your brother, that's not nice" and so on.  Avoid using the word "no" as much as possible, find a positive way to restructure your responses.  If there is a danger that your younger child is in harm’s way, create a distraction and avert any possible feud.  If there is general rough and tumble or squabbling over a toy, let them at it!  It is healthy for both children to learn that they can fight their own battles.  It builds character and creates self-reliance rather than looking for others to take charge on their behalf.  

Nothing can replace one to one attention

Planning ahead for times when you can have individual time alone with each child is essential to the emotional health and well-being of both / all children.  Take the opportunity to explain to your older child/children that they are very special in your life and even more special now that they are going to be role models and helpers in caring for their younger sibling.  You can do activities that are age appropriate with the older child, explaining to them that it is something special that is just for the two of you and perhaps, one day when your younger child is a little older, no. 1 could share the same game in the way Mummy does, with no. 2.  One to one attention is so important, every day at an allocated time to ensure that your older child can rely on the security of that special time together rather than acting out constantly as a way of getting your full attention. 

Build your own family team!

By involving one or both of your children as appropriate, in daily tasks, you can include them in what you are doing around the house and also offer them each their own responsibilities.  It could be loading the washing machine, putting dry clothing into the basket, sorting the plastic container cupboard etc...  This will distract both children from their need to fight to get your attention before the other one does and you can still get on with the tasks around the house or at the supermarket without total chaos unfolding every 10 minutes.

Be positive

It is just as important to reinforce the positive, desirable behaviour that your children exhibit as it is to discourage the negative with consequence or distraction.  Positive reinforcement will, in time, teach your children that good things happen when you exhibit certain behaviour and it doesn't feel as good to do the opposite!

Relax!

It is so easy to get caught up in the day to day cycle of bickering, distracting, feeding, changing and putting to bed that before long, you can lose sight of the reason why you chose to have a family in the first place.  Your children are the most incredible gift you'll ever receive, appreciate them, love them and as hard as it is at times, guide them.  You can't go back and change it when they're older.  The early years will fly by, enjoy the good bits and when the wheels fall off, just remember... you're doing the best you can and no-one is perfect.  Your children will love you for being there for them and one day, they'll appreciate the true value of all the hard work you have invested in them over the years.  

Happy parenting!

Pareting your strong willed child!

If you're the parent of a spirited child, one who sees your apron strings as shackles rather than the protective tethers you imagine them to be, you are most certainly in the 'strong willed child' parenting club.

For many children with this unique approach to their little lives, there can be what seems like an endless string of challenges for their parents.  Everything from bedtime battles to supermarket meltdowns and mayhem at mealtimes, it is certainly not for the feint of heart.  This calls for parenting skills on a whole new level!

On the other side of the coin, there is a child full of passion, full of determination and ready to take on the world.  The question is, how do you nurture that unique and precious spirit without crushing the personality of your challenging, delightful, exhausting and ultimately amazing child?  These qualities are sometimes overshadowed by the apparent negatives, the constant battle of wills that seem to consume every hour of the day.

You see it often enough, on planes, trains, buses, shopping isles and wherever we need to go but don't want to be.  Parents, clearly at the end of their rope, children in power and their parents wondering around with that glazed look on  their faces, clearly at a loss as to how they regain their authority and resume the leadership role they imagined when they decided it was time to have a family!   

Parenting your strong willed child is not about discipline. Many would have you believe that it is but discipline is often misunderstood.  You don't need to paddle bums or terrify your child into submission in order to assert your authority and bring them under your control.  The definition of discipline is "the practice of training [people] to obey rules or a code of behaviour, using punishment to correct disobedience."  Is that what you had in mind when you considered how you would raise your children?  Probably not.

Successful parenting involves a set of rules that you put into place and use as your 'framework' for a happy family life.  This is even more important when looking at ways to manage your strong willed child.  A clear, consistent approach is so important, sticking to your guns one day and then giving in the next because it's easier than the alternative, means your child will simply learn that they just need to keep going and eventually, they'll get their own way.  There will be times where you say "no" and think afterwards that perhaps you could have said yes, but at that point, its too late.  Your answer was "no" so that is what you stick to.  You will soon learn to pick your battles, use the opportunities to reward your child with special treats or unexpected surprises and attention and your child will, in time, make the association between wanted and unwanted behaviour.

If you are parenting a toddler or preschooler, your "rules" will be tailored to your child's age and equally so for older children.  Unwanted behaviour is met with a first warning, down at their level, clearly and firmly.  If they do not follow your warning, then their is a consequence and it must be applied every time.  Once you give that first warning, there is no going back.  It is now YOUR responsibility to follow through and teach your child what it is that you expect of them.  This approach is key to maintaining a calmer household and also to ensure that you can go out and about safely and with a plan in mind to address issues as they arise.

Parenting the strong willed child involves allowing them to feel as though they are in control but at the same time, helping them to make choices that fall within the scope of the "rules" that you have set for your household.  This is done by offering your child choice.  If the behaviour persists, the warning is offered and then finally the consequence is imposed as a last resort.

Take some time to sit down and decide the most important issues that you'd like to tackle.  Keep it simple and start three or four base rules, these are non-negotiable and essential to the health, well being and safety of you and your family.  From there, consider the following when devising the strategy that works best for you and your family:

Keep Calm & Parent on!

Nothing makes your look more out of control than when you lose your temper.  Your child needs you to be a mentor, someone who is calm and in control of the situation.  They will mirror your behaviour so it is important to remember that you cannot scream and shout at your child and expect them not to return the favour!  Once you have your plan in mind and you know how you're going to deal with each situation, you will automatically feel more in control and less likely to shout it out.

Keep it consistent

Offering your child choice is a great way of distracting them from their protests and by using positive alternatives, you'll be empowering your child to make better choices in the future as they learn what the choices are in particular situations.  Calmly offer the choice if your child is not co-operating. "We need to go to school now, do you want to put on your red coat or the blue one, which one do you think looks better?" and so on, ultimately you reach your goal but your child is participating in the process, making his or her own decisions as part of the task.

Use visual reinforcement

Reward charts have been around for as long as I can remember.  Many parents try them and protest that they're a waste of time and don't really have any positive impact.  That is not the case, they are a very powerful tool for behaviour management and it's important that they are used correctly and for a set period of time for the best results.  To start out with, don't make long involved charts with lots of goals that need to be achieved.  Start with one or two.  Involve your child in the process of setting the goals, ask for their input and allow them to feel as though it is their decision.  "Should we work on getting you to sleep in your bed or eating your dinner every night, which one should we start with?"  You can then let your child decorate the chart and choose the stickers, stamp or pen that you'll use to chart their progress.  Make it an exciting, positive activity.  Use the chart at the same time of day, every day, as tedious as it may seem at times.  Use it for at least a week, ideally two to see the change before adding the next goal.

Routine is King (or Queen!)

Your strong willed child will thrive on routine, believe it or not.  Keep the conversation going, let your child know in advance when something is going to take place.  "Its bedtime in 10 minutes, OK, you can play for a while longer but then we're going up to get ready for bed". Your child will soon know what to expect and this will make things easier for everyone.  Follow the same pattern of events every day or as often as possible for the best results.

Battles worth picking

Parenting a strong willed child will mean that there are more battles than you'd care to admit but its important that you pick which ones are important for that day.  Their safety always comes first but second to that, it's important not to address every single action throughout the day.  Your child needs to be free to be their own person but with your guidance on the things that really matter.

Distraction action

Strong willed children will need constant distractions to avert any unwanted behaviour, with time though, it gets easier.  As a parent, you'll get better at thinking on your feet, coming up with effective distraction ideas based on experience of what works and what doesn't.  Before you know it, you'll be doing it without even realising it!  It is hard in the beginning, you'll feel tired and fed up of having to constantly come up with new ways to divert and distract but, as a parent of a strong willed child, you'll have plenty of opportunity to get really good at it! 

Mental check

When you see your child heading into deep water, it's useful to do a quick mental check-list to identify possible triggers for the behaviour that's brewing.  You may want to have a set of stock questions if you like, a list of go to questions that will help you to quickly determine the best course of action before the behaviour gets out of control.  You may ask "Has my child had enough attention from me today, is he tired,  has she eaten well?"  These are all indicators that link in with behaviour.  Once you've determined any possible contributors, you can act appropriately, using distraction and then meeting the need when your child is calm and open to a snack, nap or game with you.

Its all about me!

Does your child really get enough of your undivided attention during the day or does your washing machine have more face time than your family?  There are countless distractions throughout the day, chores begging to be done, siblings in war with one another, bills to pay, calls to make and the list goes on.  Collectively, these things add up to far more time than your child gets with you on a one to one basis and is often the sole cause of your child's unwanted behaviour.  It is important to plan your day and involve your child in the process.  Tell your child "I'm nearly done with the washing up, in 5 minutes we'll play a game, have a think about what you'd like to do".  Later on you may suggest "I'm going to fold up the laundry, would you like to help me or would you like to sit here and play this game on your own for 10 minutes while I finish up and then we'll go out for a nice walk together?".   Including your child in your daily chores is a great way to build their confidence, achieve your goals and make them feel included in your life.

Happy parenting!  Please keep in touch, if you'd like to see a particular topic discussed here, just get in touch via email.  

Happy parenting! 

Tiny temper : why two year olds get a bad rap

We’ve all heard the popular phrase coined in the 1950’s “ the terrible two’s”.  Many toddlers start to test their boundaries following their first birthday and this can last well past the age of three in some cases.  This is a totally normal part of your toddler’s development.  It’s how you respond to their frustrations that can mean the difference between calm and chaos.  

 Every age is special and every child is unique.  Some children have more spirited personalities than their playground pals.  There are challenges as you go through each but by taking a more relaxed but consistent approach, moving away from the Stepford-style perfect family model, you will be doing yourself and your family a big favour in the process.  There is no such thing as the perfect family but with a little resolve and a few rules, you can take it all in your stride without setting the neighbours tongues wagging!  Let’s look at the first three years of a child’s development to gain a bit of perspective.

During your baby’s first year, you will face the challenges that all new parents do when welcoming a new little person into the family.  There will be sleepless nights, endless chores, nights out become coffee mornings and there seems to be more laundry than you’re able to keep on top of.  That said, you will also enjoy hours of cuddles, excitement as you watch your little bundle of joy surprise you each day with just how special they are.  You may even be thinking about how lovely it would be to have another baby.

Year two starts approaching and all of a sudden, that idea has drifted off to some far recess of your mind!! Another baby? Err...  Your baby’s favourite word “no” has somehow brought the household to it's knees and distraction isn’t the easy little fix-all that it used to be.  You may still be facing issues relating to naps and sleep, food your baby once enjoyed is now thrown back at you with a look of utter revulsion and overall behaviour seems to be far worse than it was six months ago.  What happened?

It is very easy to fall into the trap of always focusing on the negative, you may feel like you are constantly snapping at your little one, the tantrums and defiant behaviour are draining you more and more as each day passes.  For this reason, it is so important to focus on finding a way to acknowledge the positives and to enjoy the good bits.  Two year old's are undeniably adorable but sometimes their mischievous behaviour can overshadow this stage of development.  

It can be a good idea to start considering planned activities for each day.  It may seem obvious but I hear so many parents saying that one day just seems to roll right into the next and there seems to be no time to do anything.  You run around like a headless chicken attempting to complete one household chore after the next, but never quite getting there thanks to the constant disruptions, needs and wants of your precious little angel.

Taking 5 minutes out to sit down in the evenings after your child is in bed, planning some activities that can be done safely and independently while you get on with a few household tasks, and also, planning some fun and interactive activities that you and your child can do together can be the difference between feeling in control and feeling like you're running out of steam.  The mix of encouraging independent play and supporting that with regular joint activities will help to build your child’s confidence and promote a less ‘needy’ more ‘can do’ attitude.  

There Internet is full of useful resources, simply typing in ‘toddler activities’ or similar search terms will throw up a host of inspiring blogs, websites, parenting hubs and forums where you can get lots of ideas for fun and unique activities that are age appropriate and fun for everyone.  Plan the day so that you can have time to do a few things yourself while your child does an independent activity and then follow that with a joint activity that you can both share in together.  

You will soon find that your little one is less frustrated and more able to communicate his or her needs more as time goes on.  Try not to reprimand or use the word ‘no’ too much.  You are your child’s role model, the behaviour you exhibit is what they will learn to mirror.  Distraction is always the best approach to head off a tantrum when you see it brewing.

Don’t feed into a full blown tantrum if you’re not able to head it off before the eruption!  As long as it is safe to do so, tell your child that you will leave them to it and that when they’re calm and have had enough of being upset, then you’ll sit down with them and play a nice game or do a fun activity.  It is a pointless exercise attempting to discipline your child during a tantrum as that can also be seen as ‘getting your attention’ even if it’s not the ideal attention they were hoping for.

In time, this will reinforce the positive through praise for good behaviour and avert the negative behaviour by using distraction or ignoring the unwanted behaviour if it is appropriate to do so.  

Your two year old is trying desperately to communicate with you.  They are also fully mobile and as such, everything is an adventure.  They will want to climb up onto, crawl underneath and generally go everywhere their little limbs will allow them to and beyond!  Setting boundaries is becoming a necessity at this stage and your little one is very likely to protest against them, they dislike hearing the word ‘no’ as much as you do!  Your two year old doesn’t yet poses the skills needed to communicate all of his or her needs and wants verbally and so they resort to their ‘default’ mode which is to cry and shout and scream until they have your undivided attention.

Unwanted behaviour seems to peak in the run up to age three and then as their vocabulary grows almost daily, you can use it as a tool for teaching your child about acceptable behaviour and the reason you need their co-operation.  Fortunately, after this stage, life seems to get much more manageable on the communication front and if handled well, any tantrum like behaviour can be stopped in its tracks before it’s too late.  

As with any behaviour modification or when implementing change, it takes time to teach your child to communicate and behave in a way that is acceptable at home and anywhere else.  Your commitment and consistent approach is the key to ensuring that you are on the right track.  Your child will soon learn that no means no and any attempts at tantrums are just not worth the effort in the long run.  Consequence is powerful if used correctly, it should be about teaching your child about what is acceptable rather than punishing him or her in the moment when you’re angry or upset.

From age three onwards, many children are starting to attend nursery or playgroups.  By helping your child to communicate without the need for a meltdown, you are also going to be equipping your child with the necessary social skills required to fit in well with other children and to respond appropriately to the nursery staff caring for your child.  Tantrums and unwanted behaviour are a very normal part of growing up, it’s how you as the parent or caregiver deal with the unwanted behaviour that really means the difference between chaos and a more content family life.  

Happy parenting!